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10 Tips to Raise Your Self-Esteem: Advice for Men


What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is how high or low a person assesses their personal qualities and capabilities. Self-esteem indicators are not obvious. One can judge a person’s self-esteem on the basis of what a person thinks about themselves, what a person feels about others and how they behave.

Sometimes self-assessment refers to as an assessment process, but more often, under self-assessment, they mean the result of the assessment, the final opinion or a person’s feeling about themselves. With all the proximity of the concepts, self-esteem should be distinguished from self-conception: that being toward oneself, which includes self-love and self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-respect, elements of self-love and self-accusation. A person may have high self-esteem, "I am talented!" and low self-esteem at the same time, "talented, yet cowardly and weak,” this is normal.

how to boost self esteem

The simplest type of self-assessment is to assess your ability to do something, to cope with something. “I can jump over puddles” in a child or “Master the quick reading” in an adult, this is all about a person’s self-assessment of their abilities. Another type of self-esteem is personal self-esteem: how a person assesses themselves as a whole, as a person and as a character, their place among those around them and their place in life.

“You know, I have a bad temper,” “I am not a leader, I’m always second” or “I’m having trouble with discipline, I don’t know how to organize myself!” - all these are variations of various personal self-assessment.

Men with low self-esteem feel weaker than their peers, girls with low self-esteem feel unwanted and pathetic. This includes a perception of one’s status, social roles that are important for a person, and a perception of goals in life, which one perceives as doable. Personal self-esteem is usually about sensation rather than about knowledge, more often lifestyle and behavior than clear definitions — this self-esteem is more difficult to formulate and less internally differentiated than self-esteem of one’s abilities.

Personal self-esteem and self-esteem of abilities within one person can vary greatly. “I feel what other people feel, I am a talented musician and I am good at drawing, but by nature I am slobbery, I’m not sure of myself, I am suspicious, and I don’t understand what I want,” it is positive self-assessment of abilities and simultaneously negative personal self-esteem. Personal self-esteem is stable, little dependent on the success of a person in certain specific situations: for example, an impoverished countess can still feel like a noblewoman and act accordingly, even if today she has to work as a waitress. Other people have floating self-esteem, depending on the current mood and situational success or failure.

The two main types of self-esteem are general and situational. In this case, self-esteem can be adequate (high, medium, low) and inadequate: understated or overvalued. It can be floating or stable, real and fake ...

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is not a diagnosis, but it can seriously darken a person’s life. In my opinion, self-esteem is one of the main parameters of the personality since it largely determines the success of a person in different areas of life and their satisfaction with their achievements.

Adequate positive self-esteem is the key to having good self-assessment of abilities, self-reliance, the desire to act and achieve goals. At the same time, defeats, even if they happen, do not have a destructive effect, a person does not cease to respect themselves, does not give up, but, on the contrary, seeks to correct the mistake made.

self esteem issuesAt the consultations, it often turns out that the person’s failures in work, personal life, and other areas are precisely due to the negative self-assessment, self-doubt, and thus, low self-esteem. How can you identify low self-esteem? Here are the main signs that a person with self-esteem issues will show.

  • The habit of comparing yourself to others (it doesn’t work for the better of one’s self).
  • Self-pity. Frequent mental scrolling of unsuccessful life moments and feeling powerless.
  • Attitudes towards oneself by other people. A person who does not respect themselves is unlikely to be respected by others. Moreover, such a person can unconsciously choose their partners as people who will inevitably treat them badly, thereby confirming the negative attitude.
  • Problematic interpersonal relationships. A person can assume that there is simply nothing to love in them, they doubt their importance, and at the same time, a person is eager to be loved. Fear of making new acquaintances and relationships, fear of opening up, expressing oneself and wearing fake masks. These are all signs of low self-esteem.
  • Concern about the opinions of others. It often happens that the external ostentatious side, the “image” of a person comes to the fore in order to hide the real person. Fear of disgrace, modesty.
  • Putting off complex cases to be done later. Fear of coping with the harsh reality of things, making a mistake and getting a negative reaction from those around you will paralyze a person with low self-esteem.
  • Increased anxiety. In difficult situations, psychosomatic symptoms can be observed, such as excessive sweating, hand trembling, heart palpitations, blushing, etc.
  • Impossibility to refuse anyone’s request, even if it contradicts own convictions and values. Behind this is the desire to be liked, to get approval.
  • Inadequate reaction to criticism increased vulnerability. Criticism is taken to heart, understood as an insult.
  • External signs: slouching, stiffness of movement, "closed" posture, etc.

Causes of Low Self-Esteem

What does self-esteem depend on? The problem of low self-esteem affects a huge number of people, but the most surprising thing is that very few people realize this. When we turn to a psychologist because of depression or increased anxiety, in most cases, the reason for these pathologies is low self-esteem, but people usually do not even understand it, do not realize how low self-esteem adversely affects their mental health.

In our minds, every person we meet on our way is unique and inimitable. Self-esteem is formed rather slowly, and although personal qualities play a certain role, however, to the greatest extent it is formed due to the experience that we get in life and our relationships with other people. As a result, a person develops their own subjective positive or negative self-esteem.

The first years of life are crucial for the formation of high or low self-esteem, but the experience that we have gone through as adults can also change our level of self-esteem. Among the many reasons for low self-esteem, we highlight the following.

  • Physical, sexual and emotional abuse, especially at an early age.
  • The level of expectations of parents and teachers from a child.
  • Discrimination in any form.
  • Bullying (at school, etc.).
  • Loss of a loved one.
  • Social isolation.
  • Loss of a job, unstable or difficult situation at work.

When a person experiences difficulty, or they are in a difficult life situation, negative thoughts appear in their heads. About their intellectual capabilities, appearance or ability to achieve success in life. So, now when you know “why do I have low self-esteem?”, let’s find the ways to battle it.

How to Improve Self-Esteem: 10 Great Tips

It is very important to battle low self-esteem. If you are suffering from it, then here are 10 ways how to boost self-esteem.

1. Take one step at a time

The process of improving self-esteem won’t be done in a day or even a week. No one expects you to be able to change your life in a single day. As is the case with most other major changes in life, it is best to break up major changes into many small but consistent steps that will eventually merge into something bigger.

2. Surround yourself with positive people

It is difficult to maintain your self-esteem at a high level, being surrounded by people who constantly undercut your wings. It doesn't matter how they do it: disapproving of your life and decisions, or just constantly criticizing and complaining about your life and ways in which you do things until you start to feel uneasy, in any case, we advise you to substantially limit the time spent in their company.

men with low self esteem3. Turn off your “inner critic”

If you are trying to increase your self-confidence, you can be helped in this by turning off your “inner critic,” constantly telling you that you are unworthy and are not capable of anything. When you speak to yourself, speak as if you were addressing your best friend.

4. Praise and reward yourself often

How can improve self-esteem? When you do something truly useful for yourself, reward yourself for it in any way you can. A day trip to somewhere, a delicious dessert, or a quiet evening watching your favorite TV shows ... whatever you want, as long as you like it.

5. Learn from your mistakes

Instead of punishing yourself for every mistake, use them to increase your self-confidence because every mistake is an opportunity to learn something new in life. This sounds like a cliché, but it’s absolutely crucial to your success in raising your self-esteem. You simply have to change your ways as soon as you find them to be ineffective or wrong.

6. Use yoga and meditation

How to raise your self-esteem? Take time to relax. Yoga and meditation are great for raising self-esteem and increasing self-confidence. They bring peace into your heart and body.

7. Visualize your goals and desires

In order to create a basis for positive changes, spend some time imagining yourself as the kind of person you would like to become. If you want so, idealize some person that you find to be inspiring, follow their mottos.

8. Be patient and persistent

When you bump into an obstacle, do not give up, and do not turn away from them, cursing yourself for your weakness and cowardice. Don't stop, keep trying. Your patience and perseverance will help you succeed, and at the same time, gain confidence in yourself.

9. Avoid comparisons

How to increase self-esteem? Avoid comparing your life with the lives of other people, by all means. For example, spending your time keeping track of someone’s life on social networks is simply useless and even harmful. You will not become the one you want to become if you aren’t willing to move a muscle.

10. Try to look at the world more positively

The last of the ways to improve self-esteem is adopting a positive attitude. In fact, this is much more complicated than it seems. When your self-esteem is too low, you spend a fair amount of your own time on negative thoughts that have to do with your life: about your supposedly bad temper, your shortcomings, your mistakes.

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