What Makes Healthy Communication in a Relationship

Everyone agrees that healthy communication skills is a key to building a strong and long-lasting relationship and of course is an essential part of every reliable committed union. All relationships have their ups and downs, moments of regret and happy minutes of joy. Still, healthy communication in marriage can make it much easier to deal with insignificant everyday arguments and some major conflicts and finally develop a strong and mutually supported partnership. We usually hear how needful healthy communication in relationships is, however far not all understand what it must be and how to actually achieve mutual appreciation and make the link between partners more secure.

By definition, an effective communication is the successful transfer of particular information from one side to another. But what is healthy communication in relationships? In this way, healthy communication in a romantic union allows both partners to explain what they are experiencing and what they need without holding anything back. That’s why by upgrading your communication skills, you will not only be able to help your significant other meet your needs, but also to help yourself always stay connected in the relationship.

Why is communication important in a relationship?

Without a single doubt, communication is key to a healthy relationship. There are absolutely no romantic relationships that can flourish without efficient communication between two partners. The true importance of communication in relationships is its ability to transmit, disseminate and finally - share the most important data between two individuals in love – their genuine feelings and emotions. Existing not only as two people, but, most importantly, as a united organism will only work out when there is a two-sided communication channel established between the two engaged. It comes as no surprise that communication issues in relationships are the main reason so many unions fail to last longer as a result of fragile natures of partners unable to build a steady communication link between them. As we always keep on learning, effective and healthy communication for couples is related to a successful romantic relationship.

Being able to listen and talk in the right way can connect a husband and wife and intensify the intimacy playing the role of glue that holds their relationship together. Just like communicating, listening seems to be not such an inborn skill absolutely everybody might possess, but is more like a skill that ALL people must make at least some effort to learn.

The point is, most of us appear to only talk and not listen to the opinion of our partners. And that is exactly when daily communication becomes entirely empty and meaningless. Constant interruptions and talking more like to a wall rather than a living person make it almost impossible to hear each other’s thoughts, especially when those personal opinions vary. Hopefully, quite a number of healthy communication exercises were created in order to make romantic relations a lot easier and whole more enjoyable for both sides involved. Those exercises are designed specifically to compensate for the lack of communication in relationships through the system of basic rules and tips on filling your romantic relations with total understanding and harmony.

What to do if your communication does not work

According to the professional opinion of many family therapists and psychologists, the first thing that needs to be done is to look deep inside yourself and find out if you are truly ready to start learning. Once you’ve checked in and discovered you are somehow closed – whether angry, defensive or simply stressed out, you have to accept this may not be a perfect time for you to begin the learning process.

You may tell yourself: “I feel so frustrated right now to discuss that problem. It’d be better to try again in a few hours.” Then you switch your thoughts and do some inner work to get yourself ready to go back and make one more attempt. In case you have checked in and found yourself totally prepared and even eager to do the job, next move of yours might sound pretty simple, yet it is incredibly challenging for so many people. You should make 100% sure about whether your partner does not wish to open up and it feels like there’s nothing you can possibly do about it or the issue lies exactly in you.

But if the problem is precisely in your significant other staying closed, then you should take the process of finding a solution in your own hands. The smartest option you might want to try out is to say: “Alright, it seems we are stuck in our communication at the moment. Don’t you mind if we try one more time a little later?” Notice that you must not be accusing your partner of being closed, which may be the demonstration of control on your part. You just need to softly state that you are actually stuck.

The next challenging move is to open your heart for your lover to open his/her as well. In other words, you’d better walk away with empathy for yourself, rather than with dissatisfaction with your partner.

In the worst case scenario, if your beloved person fails to open, then you will need to accept there is no option for resolving the issue and you should focus more on yourself, particularly how to take care of yourself in that situation. But let’s hope this is not your case.

9 rules of healthy communication in relationships

As you already know, healthy communication exercises take work. Lots of it. Can you recall how often you have walked away from a straight talk with your lover feeling annoyed, upset or plain angry? How often have you pronounced words you regretted saying afterwards, done things to hurt your partner intentionally? How often have you dreamt of a magic wand to improve your communication in a blink of an eye?

Good and effective communication between two partners is important and difficult as well, especially in committed pairs. In the moments when most couples discuss some serious or provocative matters, one party involved usually turns to be frustrated with the conversation itself and the final result. The reason is that in the heat of the moment we often tend to forget the person we love so much is a living being, with his/her own feelings which can be easily hurt. That’s exactly the main thing everybody needs to remember.

1. Take your time

Important conversations should never be put off, yet neither should those happen at extremely inappropriate time. Avoid the “necessity” of bringing up your bedroom issues right before the crucial events or launching straight into a severe fight on the way to a holiday party. Pick the right moment to talk over the issues bothering you. Be sure to set a specific time so that you won’t be taken aback by an oncoming argument. And never go for a serious discussion when you are already angry to avoid turning the space around into a boxing ring.

2. Never discuss important things via phone

Email, voicemail, mobile phones and even phone boxes – none of those should happen on your way when fighting a need to share some important thoughts with your partner. Speaking of text messages, we don’t consider those as a real conversation. It comes as no surprise your partner might misinterpret your true emotions or simply read your message with a “wrong” intonation. Having a face-to-face conversation, you are able to read facial cues, hear the tone and trace body language. By the way, do you know how many meanings your texted “fine” may bring to your partner? A whole bunch!

3. Be totally honest

You know why many people pretend to be happy with their partners? Version #1 - for the sake of evading unnecessary questions. Version #2 - shutting their significant others up. For example, you are not really well with your partner’s manner of dressing. Have a talk about it. In any case, it is always better to be totally honest with your thoughts. Once you bottle things up, they can potentially lead to frustration and arguments later on that can surely do some damage to your relationship.

4. Learn to accept

You will never succeed in communicating with love and clarity when both of you are filled with anger and judgment. Be accepting with your partner. No matter what. Then, start a conversation from that place. When a person feels judged, he/she either takes defensive position or shuts down, neither of which ways encourages effective dialogue. Let your lover know you fully accept him/her and then invite your partner to reveal himself/herself in a more open-hearted and honest way.

5. Intuition is everything

There are always times when we happen to be misunderstood and it can never feel good. Think of all you’ve said once that did not really match the way you felt. Keep in mind that energy underlies all the things you say. Try using your intuition to tune into it. It is of huge importance! Learn to listen with your heart more than your reasonable mind.

6. Make it flexible

All kinds of talks and discussions, especially the most serious ones, hardly ever go really smooth and almost never as planned. Your words twist and turn, often leading to a completely unexpected outcome. Do not be too straightforward when having a talk with your beloved person. The more obsessed you are with how the talk should play on, the more frustrated you will eventually be when it takes the most sudden turn.

7. Don’t interrupt

Do we really need to make this one clear? It is simply rude and tends to create tons of unnecessary tension. Of course you want to explain everything or defend yourself, but let your partner finish! When you are focused only on what you say, do not be expecting him/her to hear you out. So, bite your tongue and wait for your turn.

8. Feel free to share problems with your lover

Best friend is always there when he is needed most. Unfortunately, we’d rather share things bothering us with whomever else, but not our loving romantic partners. Plus, how would you feel if the person you love and trust the most shared your relationship issues with other people?

9. Touch more

Obviously, every couple is different in this one, but most people don’t touch enough. You can never go wrong simply by giving your significant other a kiss or a hug. Let him/her know you truly care. Staying close during the fight can show that even though you are mad as hell at the moment, you still love and care about each other.

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