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Are You Feeling Lonely in a Relationship?


Where Does Loneliness Come from in a Romantic Relationship?

Loneliness has many faces. One of the most paradoxical of these faces is to be in a relationship but lonely, that is, a situation in which you have a partner, and you are physically close to them, but there is no spiritual connection. You have a partner, this seems like the only thing that is needed for a relationship, but all of the efforts that you’ve put into it seems to have been wasted. You feel as if you are trapped in the world of illusions because the world is busy, there are always many things to do, yet you feel empty and lonely. There is no one to hug, no one to talk to, no way to just live your life. Maybe everyone around you thinks that everything is fine, family and friends do not see any problem with your relationship, yet it doesn’t mean that there is no problem. You smile during business meetings but cry or drink at night.

in a relationship but lonely

Why Do I Feel Lonely in My Relationship?

The reason for being lonely in a relationship often revolves around busyness and lack of time to spend with your partner. It seems to you that 24 hours in a day are just not enough to do everything that you want. You cannot find a moment to stay together, to have a conversation, open yourself anew and take care of your relationship. You raise children, make a career, lose yourself in the virtual world, do lots of different things at the expense of your relationship. Every day there is a constant feeling as if things around you are in a rush, everyone is busy with something, and they expect the same of you, you start losing control over your relationship.

Lack of time slowly poisons your relationships and communication with your partner. Your daily conversations focus on business issues, you discuss your duties and work, but you never find time to talk about something more pleasant. And even if you do, you aren’t always able to get your message across. The next step is a lack of understanding and interest from your partner. The world that you have built together is getting torn apart. A person who lives nearby becomes indifferent. There comes a time when quarrels arise over the dumbest of reasons, so you start screaming at each other. However, although you are constantly arguing — there is a chance that something will change, this anger will turn into a passion, and you will eventually have a cleansing conversation. Indifference is a lot worse than the fury of negative emotions.

Now that we know the issue of loneliness in a relationship, let’s find out what to do when you feel lonely in a relationship.

How to Deal with Loneliness in a Relationship?

Loneliness in relationships is especially evident in times of change, shocking moments, when we face new problems, such as parenting. Fortunately, regardless of the stage of life at which it appears, you can handle it. However, this is not easy and requires many compromises to be made, however, in some cases, you may require help from relatives, friends or even a therapist.

Being lonely while in a relationship is not a “mistake” of one particular person. This is a challenge for two people, and it should be seen as a problem of a couple and not the fault of a man or a woman. If you are feeling lonely in a relationship – you must step back, take a critical look at your behavior and try to change it. In addition, at the same time, you should be demanding, but also forgiving - start thinking about your own needs, love yourself, bring yourself pleasure. Healthy egoism will allow you to close the distance with your partner and get things in order. You will also have to learn the needs of others without trivializing them and finding new excuses because of which your partner should live the way you want them to live.

How to overcome loneliness in a relationship? The key to breaking the ice is an honest conversation without judgment and attacks. You should show understanding and try to empathize with the situation of another person. Maybe your partner also feels lonely, does not accept the current state of your relationship, wants to change something, but does not know when and how to take the first step.

At such moments, it is worth going outside of your comfort zone, leaving your children with your grandmother or aunt, and decide to go on a weekend together, stay in places that you know and love, remembering the beginning of a relationship. A psychologist will help look at the situation from a different perspective.

But let’s say that your partner isn’t near at all times. How to cope with long-distance relationship loneliness?how to overcome loneliness in a relationship

Dealing with Long Distance Relationship Loneliness

What is the complexity of such a relationship?

  • Partners do not receive enough attention

Supporting and showing care for a person in a difficult situation is easier if they are around. You see them each and every day, have dinner at the same table and talk about life. You have a common life, you are physically together, and you can hug or kiss your loved one. The distance deprives these joys and creates a pit between you two. The main problem is mutual distancing, the feeling that everyone lives on their own. This becomes a frequent cause of insults, quarrels, and jealousy on the part of one or both parties.

  • The pressure of external circumstances

Friends or coworkers are planning a joint holiday with their partners, they want to spend holidays together, go out to see some movies and talk to you about life. To fall into depression, in this case, is quite normal. It is not surprising that according to statistics, almost half of all relationships at a distance ends with a breakup. But you shouldn’t get upset because of this, you still have a chance of success.

How to overcome loneliness in a long-distance relationship?

  • Care for each other

It is very important to be careful in communication with a partner. Just realize how hard it will be to apologize for your actions without actually approaching a person, it is just not the same to do it over text or video chat. It is also not necessary to provoke jealousy and cause unnecessary speculation about things that aren’t real. The further you are from each other, the more difficult it is to resolve conflict situations.

  • Maintain intimacy

How to deal with loneliness in a relationship? You have to communicate with your partner. When you feel lonely in a relationship when your partner is on the other side of the world, the easiest remedy is to talk to them. It is necessary to share the news with each other, talk about your experiences and emotions. The main task is to maintain a sense of intimacy, unity, and trust. This does not mean that you are obliged to provide a daily report on the things you’ve done during a day, but you should be a lot more enthusiastic than just to tell them that “everything is ok.” The person on the other end of the wire should feel like an important part of your life.

  • Respect partner's feelings

Even if you don’t feel lonely, your partner may be in a different situation. And at some point, one of you will feel like it is unbearably difficult to live in a long-distance relationship. It is important to be able to understand and accept this. If you, unlike your partner, have not yet had time to get bored, you don’t need to tell them that, “Oh, c’ mon, it’s just a week.” Do not discount other people's feelings but show empathy instead.

  • Don’t forget about the importance of emotions

The tone of a message can be interpreted incorrectly, and a smiling emoji or a heart will hardly convey how much you love a person. Therefore, to avoid misunderstandings and add life to a conversation, combine texting, phone calls, and video conversations. This is especially important if you are in the midst of a disagreement.

  • Plan your communication

It will be easier for you to adapt to separation when you know the exact time of your next “meeting.” Choose a convenient period of a day, when neither you nor your partner is busy to talk without being distracted by anything. On weekdays, for example, set aside an hour after work, on weekends, choose any suitable time that will be convenient for each of you. Difficulties may arise if there is a significant difference in time zones, but even in this case, everything is doable.

  • Spend holidays together

Loneliness can be at its most painful during holidays. If you have a chance to “meet” each other on holidays – go for it. Try to spend "dangerous" periods of time together. These are different family holidays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day and so on.

  • Come up with your own rituals

These can be words in which you put a hidden meaning, which will only be understood by the two of you, paper letters or postcards sent from each new place, or even phone sex. You can, for example, agree to share photos immediately after waking up or before going to bed, so as not to forget how pleasant it is to wake up and fall asleep together. Or send quotes from novels and favorite books that describe your feelings and emotions. Dream up together and find what suits your couple.

  • Do not shift responsibility onto your partnerwhat to do when you feel lonely in a relationship

It is what it is: you have to live separately for some time. And do not blame anyone because you both have agreed to it. Therefore, the pointless accusations like, “We live this way because of you” should be avoided at all cost.

  • Trust your partner

This is important for any relationship. To check social networks for likes from strangers signals a lack of trust. It is necessary to learn how to cope with surging emotions and understand that it may just be all in your head as well as to realize that your current experiences (if you don’t seem to suffer from them for long periods of time) will be over tomorrow.

  • Discuss the issue of sex

Some couples agree and allow short-term connections on the side. Others tell their partners that both of them should be faithful to each other. And it is important to discuss the topic of sex, to come to a common denominator before you agree to a long-distance relationship. However, you cannot control your partner, so you have to rely on the fact that each of you values the union equally.

  • Sensibly assess the situation

Let’s say that you’ve learned that your partner went out to watch a movie or had dinner in a restaurant with someone else. You are hurt, you are jealous and worried. This happens, and your task is to find out the reason why it happened and openly discuss the situation

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