How to Get Over a Divorce When You Still Love Her

How to Get Over a Divorce When You Still Love Her

Divorce is a very natural end of human relationships. Some of them are tragic, but a lot of them end on a good, positive note. Divorces also happen for several reasons, like betrayal, the financial instability of a couple, problems with sexual life, children, or just different traits of character which make members of the family completely incompatible. But how to cope with divorce and stay positive after such a breakup, especially if you still love this person?

First Days After Divorce: What Do You Do After Trauma

Getting over a divorce for a man is a huge trauma, especially during the first days of staying alone at your house (or somebody else’s house in case of legal issues). It is hard not only from a social and financial perspective. Sometimes human factor just butts in. You didn’t want this divorce because you genuinely loved this woman, and now she doesn’t want to be with you. It seems like your life has turned upside down. Why are we so mad if somebody goes away from our lives? It’s not like it ends after a painful breakup. We are humans. We can heal ourselves. The reason is, we like the feeling of control over our lives. Since the person decides to leave, we can’t hold them, so our life feels ruined by unpredictable factors, like loss of passion, family ties complications. You feel like a little flower in a huge wind, incapable of withstanding it. But in fact, it is easy to control life after a breakup if you start controlling yourself, and soon you will see how.

Obsessive thoughts about the past: are they dangerous?

Yes, even if your wife was kind of a douchebag, memories bring only the best qualities in people who we will not see anymore. Remember your school years. You always thought that school sucks when you were a child, but now you think these were the golden years of your life. That’s why it’s the time to get rid of obsessive thoughts that control your mind during the day. Take a sheet of paper and write down what you miss the most about your wife. In the second column, write ways to overcome it yourself (“miss her food-learn how to cook better”), (“miss comfort-surround myself with comforting people”). Write down the second list of her bad traits that were your literal pet peeves. Yes, it won’t help in one day, but if you read this every day, you will soon be tired of the idea to think about the pros and cons of your relationship.

Emotional downfall

Life after divorce for men keeps getting worse when his wife leaves him. Why so? Because men are told to keep strength throughout their lives, they don’t even know how to cry properly. When something as traumatizing and losing a dear person happens, the breakdown is real. Due to often neglecting your emotional status and breaking down so hard, you can be struggling to function. But this is a dangerous time when you aren’t allowed to sink in nostalgia and alcohol.

Sacrifice a whole day to cry as a whale – as loud as you can. Throw things, scream in pillows, allow yourself to have a proper cry. Call her a bitch, watch your wedding tape. Some psychologists recommend to not grieve over a divorce, but that’s a lame tactic. This sadness and grievance will be concealed with time, but it will eat you out alive. Instead, schedule time to cry and be sad. Give yourself an hour a day to cry. Say, nobody is allowed to touch you from 6 to 7 p.m. because you are in grief. After that, you are not allowed to be distracted by random thoughts about your 2007 honeymoon.

Depression

Of course, you won’t follow this advice and sink into depression. Your libido will lessen down to zero, and you will be mad at yourself for being impotent to have a fling and being dependent physically on one person. But that’s a persuasion that lives only in your head. If the depression gets you hard besides everyday sadness and the absence of sex drive, you’ll start seizing talking to people and close up. That is what you DON’T WANT TO DO. What you want to do is to get professional help because chances that this trauma won’t go away without the assistance of knowledgeable therapists are pretty high.

Let’s get down to the analysis of past relationships

How to get over a divorce you didn't want? Let’s imagine you got help or some time has passed, but you still feel kind of down because of the situation. "Was I a bad husband? Will I be able to ever get back to normal and love again? How to recover from divorce?" Again, you should analyze every step that happened before the divorce. Why did she leave you? Was it because she was a bitch or because you gave up on her as a woman? Maybe you disrespected her? Maybe you were not a Godsend? Remember every complaint that was addressed to you. Did you react to them somehow? Where are you trying to change yourself? Now it is time to realize everything now with a clean mind.

Rethinking

Reboot your systems. If you think that your relationship was so successful… well, it wasn’t. If it were so perfect, she wouldn’t leave. If she left, and there is no mistake in your actions, she wasn’t worth it. Ask people from your mutual environment what did they REALLY think of your marriage? Did they see any red flags? Ask them

to be honest this time. Also, if you want some divorce advice, ask your closest friends what they would do if they were you.

What Are the Ways to Solve the Problem?

Now here’s the time for a clean slate. Do you want to cooperate with yourself and move on? Remember to follow your path. No site should tell you how much you should recover. It is a natural thing that comes from within. If you feel like you need some more time, dedicate it to yourself. If you are ready to move on, follow these steps.

Traveling in search of new acquaintances

The pain of divorce for men is when they stop functioning as men in this broad context. Men are tough and want to achieve things. If you miss being that and are embarrassed to be on a low-low, you shouldn’t blame yourself. Male or not, take some time and be a soft boy from time to time. After that, you can think of dating a woman (at least to fulfill some desires, we all are humans). Traveling is a great way to change your environment and find a fling, a friend, or true love.

Internal discipline is key

When we are messed up from the guts, it’s usually hard to get to a normal state of mind. Like some athletes do after they have trauma. They eat and sleep to recover but getting fit and continuing to live under a schedule becomes way harder. But you have to do it to recover faster. Use a rule of three: if you can’t get up and study or go to the gym, count to three and get up immediately. Surprisingly, it works.

Make changes in life

The reason why you broke up might live on a surface. Maybe you two were tired of the constant routine, but she was the one to make it obvious and make a move. It could be sitting deep down, but you didn’t know what to do because you were a faithful family member. Well, now it’s high time to make changes happen. Find a new hobby, move to another place, find a crazy (in a good sense) friend who will amaze you with their stories to get you involved in the interesting life. If your job doesn’t pay you off, just leave and don’t say anything. Yes, that’s how fulfilling it will be to just cease those ends.

Search for activities

If you got kind of lazy as of last month, allow yourself to breathe with fresh air and find the most bizarre hobbies you could find on the Internet. Find something you don’t like or are scared off to get your adrenalin going and broaden your horizons. Get to hot yoga if you feel emotionally stressed. Also, it is a way to fall in love with a hot instructor. Also, just start communicating with people like you used to do. Find a girl on a dating site to talk to and to give her female perspective. Men and women have different hidden grudges in marriage. What an excellent way to ask a stranger for advice and change an environment a little bit (if you want her to be cute as well, search in ladies gallery).

Devote more time to yourself

How to heal from a divorce you didn't want? Start loving yourself again! And if you never learned how to do it, it is high time for you to read some literature on self-help. Don't know how to love yourself and dedicate more time to yourself, ask people how they do it. Maybe you just have to take a warm bath, maybe you need to start jogging in the morning. We all have different methods of coping with stress, and you need to learn the best for you. Instead of just watching television, improve your knowledge skills, be better at work, do everything so that other people can cherish you even more.

Is There Life After Divorce?

How to deal with a divorce? Is there life after divorce? You need to be a crazy person to ask that question. Of course, there is life after everything, besides life itself. Humans are warm-blooded animals. That means we know how to control ourselves not depending on the environment we are in. Cold-blooded animals, on the contrary, need to nurture from outside to sustain their living. But you can control your urges, as well as your sadness.

Always think positively

People think that they will be alone forever after a breakup. No, life doesn't work like that. If you want to control it, you will not let yourself stay alone. You will search for every opportunity to be in the social environment and maintain your skills in communicating. And if you invest time into yourself, stay positive and thank life for giving you such a lesson, other people would want to be in your life. What are the stories of your divorced acquaintances? Did they thrive and get a better life with time? Or were they sobbing and negative? Don’t let these residual feelings hurt you. Stay aside from negative factors and concentrate on work.

Avoid power struggles with your ex·

The worst about divorce is the amount of baggage you still have with this person: your mutual friends, her passwords in your computer, her physical stuff. Not to mention your elderly parents who might miss her and try to remind past times. But you shouldn’t buy into any of that. It’s one of the devils you must overcome. If you

go out with friends (which you certainly need to do, there is no need to cut these ties and make them choose, just don’t ask much. Don’t call her, unless you have a child that you need to see. Stay sane and don’t monitor her social media. Be a whole person that doesn’t rely on negativity, remember? And even if you do talk, occasionally, don’t bring up pat and try to establish who was the most wrong and who did what. Move on, it’s too late for that.

Be open to new relationships

When you feel comfortable not talking about your ex and having a normal schedule, you can try to go in for new relationships. Most people do it wrong, trying to fill their void with another person, that way placing a person in an uncomfortable position of your defender. Start with less but do more. Now that you’ve worked on yourself and you are entirely a new person, even dating can be more meaningful and deeper with lately acquired knowledge.

Go on dates more often

If you still hesitate to date other girls, fearing that a lot of them can steal your heart and ruin everything again, that’s victim behavior. Yes, stuff happens, but there are good people out there who don’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability. Developing trust issues will hold you back from potentially good relationships. If you do date, don’t try to come for a lady with reflected anger and transform her into the essence of evil. Not all women are like that. Don’t go for revenge. It’s an entirely new person with an entirely new mindset. But date only if you feel that you are fully recovered. That way you won’t attract bad toxic people who will confirm a theory of bad people.

Love yourself

Loving a new person starts with loving a person within you. If you want to get away from the past, build a new, healthy family, then baby steps will be the most crucial in your life. Love yourself, accept yourself with all the flaws you got. Try not to conceal them before the first date. Have strengths to get rid of them. If you love yourself, you will stop thinking that the person who’s not worthy is not you, it’s your ex. And it will be even better that you understand that life is life. Sometimes people work things out, sometimes they don’t. The only person you have to care about is you. Keep yourself stress-free because it’s completely possible to find a new wife, but not a new life. So keep it and cherish it.

Being a person who needs to reinvent themselves is not easy. You have to go through various burdens of breaking your soul into pieces, gluing them together and learn how to live with a new interior and exterior. But a glued vase is harder to break again if you apply superglue. Be your superglue and don’t let your pieces be lost and found by people who are not worth it. Stay your whole unit, love yourself and be happy in a better, newer life!