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How to Turn Down a Date: a Guide for Modern Men


There are situations in life when you agree to a date or appoint it, and then unexpected events occur because of which you do not want or cannot go on a date. In this case, you have to give up the appointment but in such a way that you will not offend another person and you will not have to go on a date against your will or luck. So, how to cancel a date so as not to offend anyone? We have the answer to this question.

how to turn down a date

How to Politely Turn Down a Date

Let’s start learning how to politely turn down a date from tips for those who wish to postpone a date for another day or hour. Warn as early as possible. Do not leave a "surprise" for the last ten minutes. Almost all women in such a situation think about something like this: forethought can be forgiven, forgetfulness can never be forgiven.

Transfer the meeting. Choose another day suitable for both of you, just so that the situation won’t happen again. If today you had a joint trip to the cinema, you will have to offer something more substantial during the transfer, for example, dinner at an expensive restaurant, which she has long dreamed of.

Tell the truth. Maybe you are tired, you had some problems at work, you bought a video game, and it disappointed you, you had a quarrel with your parents and so on. In this case, it is better to go home and try to relax than to go on a date with a sour face to spoil the mood of another, perhaps a very close person, about a serious relationship with whom you have long thought.

Find a worthy excuse. Those who lack the courage to say everything honestly will have to lie. But I advise you to do this convincingly. Any invented excuse should sound weighty and believable. For example, it can be said that a sewage pipe burst in your house; you lost the key to the front door, jammed the lock, and you are locked up; today is the 100th anniversary of the dearest granny you somehow forgot about. Just do not leave evidence, lie convincingly otherwise, sooner or later they will catch you.

Can't go on a date? Send a preemptive postcard, a bouquet of flowers, some suitable gift. The lady will certainly take it as a sign of attention, in a sense, will feel indebted, and therefore, it will be much easier to survive the fact that she was ignored.

ways to turn down a dateIf planning a date your heart was filled with doubts about the necessity of this meeting, and as a result, you realized that you absolutely do not want to go on a date or maybe you were invited to a date by someone more interesting to you, in this case, there are two options how to cancel a date.

The first option is that you tell your partner the truth why you are canceling the date. At the same time, you should understand that such truth will not add advantages to your relationship. This is the best, fair and effective way in the long run, but you must be brave enough for that. If you have a strong reluctance to speak directly or are very afraid of offending another person, there is a second option for you.

The second option is to lie beautifully and convince a person that your unwillingness to go on a date is related to your inner demons. You may have rethought your desire to build relationships. Long reflections on this topic led to the conclusion that you want to focus on other things. Perhaps you understand that your heart is not yet free. Say that you still love your ex-girlfriend and do not want to drag someone into a destructive relationship. Make the other person believe that now circumstances are stronger than you.

How to Turn Down a Second Date

You should not go on a second date if there is no "chemistry" between you. Many men torment themselves with reflections on whether to date a girl a second time and develop a relationship if they didn’t like something on the first date. Ask yourself the question: what was more on your date: cons or pros? If you are inclined to think that there are more cons, leave any reflection and cancel the date. In this way, you will do yourself and that person a favor. The fact is that such reflections clearly signal that this is not your soul mate.

When chemistry arises between two people, they do not think about whether to cancel the date or not. They tremble with anticipation of a new meeting. If your conscience persistently whispers in your ear that you have already "gone too far", quickly shut up its mouth. It is not right. The period of first dates is a period of recognizing each other. You still owe nothing to anyone. You do not want to make a mistake and hurt someone. So you just need to gather your will and cancel the unwanted appointment.

But you do not need to act like a bastard. Do not fade and ignore the person. This is ignoble, unfair, and generally disgusting. Everything can and should be done beautifully.

Here are phrases that will help you cope with this task:

  • “I am very glad I met you and I had a great time, but I didn’t feel “the very chemistry” and I’m talking about this directly because you are a great girl and I don’t want to waste your time.”
  • "I was very pleased to spend time with you, but I had the feeling that you were rather my friend than a potential wife or girlfriend."
  • "It was fun, interesting and cool. But I didn't have the feeling of a romantic connection between us. Although, we could definitely communicate further!"
  • "You looked wonderful and you are a very interesting interlocutor. But there was no spark between us. At least I did not notice it."
  • "I liked our date, but I could not imagine our serious relationship. And this is exactly what I need."
  • "I am grateful for the opportunity to meet and spend time with such a cool person like you, but I will say honestly: I could not imagine us as a couple."
  • "Thank you for agreeing to go on a date with me. I want to be honest - despite the fact that you are a very nice person, I do not see us in a relationship."
  • "You are a great girl and you deserve to have a loving guy next to you. Unfortunately, I do not see myself in this role."
  • "Thank you for giving me this meeting. Everything was wonderful, but my warm feelings for you are platonic, I realize this and tell you honestly."

In the end, the best thing you can do is to wish good luck to the person who has given you time. Do not feel sorry for anyone and apologize. This will only aggravate the situation and make the other person feel worthless. By all means get rid of the feeling of guilt - this is a destructive feeling, which, moreover, does not correspond to your situation at all.

How to Turn Down a Date After Saying Yes

So, how to turn down a date nicely if you have already said “yes” to a girl? There are several ways to do it.

Unlike all other cases, if you have already said "yes" to the proposal to go on a date and changed your mind (no matter for what reasons), you definitely need to apologize. It is customary to prepare for dates, both psychologically and financially. If since you said "yes" and then changed your mind quite a little time passed, you will not cause much harm to another person. But if a couple of days have passed, most likely, you will have to face the indignation of a girl. After all, she chose a dress long time ago, wondered where you would go and made plans. Perhaps she even told her friends about the upcoming date.

In this case, you will have to find such words that will help her preserve her self-esteem and save her from the desire to kill you. In this case, any skillful lie may help you. No matter how strange it may sound, the frequent use of the pronoun “I” will help you. The girl must realize that you are the only culprit in this situation. Thus, you compensate a little for your deed, although the other person will hardly realize this at first. However, right now you should take care of her self-esteem.how to turn down a date nicely

In addition, you have to use your imagination and come up with a gift that will smooth over the rough spots. This method works in 90% of cases. No matter what modern girls say, they still love presents. This is a gesture of attention that will play into your hands. Make sure that the gift is neutral but still valuable - in an aesthetic or practical sense. Even 1000 times written "sorry" will be worth less than such a gesture. After all, in order to write "I'm sorry," you only need to press the corresponding keys on your smartphone a couple of times. A gift involves work and real steps on your part. By the way, a cute gift is the best option if you are looking for funny ways to turn down a date.

Additional Tips on How to Turn Down a Date

Learn more ways to turn down a date:

Decline a date in person. Words spoken in person have more weight. It is a fact. Eye contact will help you convey the words in the form in which you want, while the text can be interpreted in different ways. Of course, not everyone can take such a decisive step. But if you have the courage to do so, do just that. The main thing is that you are confident in your decision and do not start apologizing at the last moment and change your decision. This way you only hurt both of you. Your best friends in this situation are calm, determination, and good nature. Speak gently and do not rush. Behave like this and you will be surprised at the result.

Do things to others that you would like them to do to you. This golden rule is correct, relevant to all situations. If you imagine that saying or writing “no” will bring you a lot of pain, do not go against your intuition. Come up with some beautiful excuse. If you always prefer the truth, then you need to act accordingly. The only thing you have to do is to give your words the friendliest form. Remember that you do not want to offend anyone, you just want to move on. Another person has the right to see you taking all the responsibility and take care of minimizing the harm from your decision.

Answer shortly and immediately stop communication when it comes to online dating. If you met a girl on the Internet an hour ago, asked her out on a date and already changed your mind, tell her about that immediately. There are completely different rules online. As long as your communication is limited to correspondence, you and your actions mean absolutely nothing to another person. If, even in such a situation, you are tormented by conscience, think about the fact that your interlocutor is likely already talking to other guys who are also asking her on a date. Online dating is rarely different. You owe nothing to anyone and your pangs of conscience are only the result of the work of your psyche. This result does not affect the other person. It is a fact.

The main conclusion of all this - never go out on a date if you do not want. Such an act ALWAYS ends in failure, quarrels, and wasted time. Always remember about respect. Respect your life and your desires. Respect the lives and desires of others. These guidelines will help you make the right decisions. And our guide on how to turn someone down for a date will help you too, of course :)

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