Fighting in a Relationship: How Much Is Too Much

Love doesn’t come at once. People understand it, but not many are willing to work in order to love sincerely and deeply. It has long been noted that a real feeling appears as the years go by, and to love you need a lot of trials and wisdom.

Constant fighting in a relationship - why it happens?

Fighting at the beginning of relationships – a thing as common as brushing your teeth. At this time we are talking about the usual lapping, building a system of mutual understanding. The nature of conflicts becomes much more interesting when the relationship are already stabilized more or less.

Virtually every couple has all kinds of disagreements and contradictions. But this is normal and natural. Quarrels help to bring relations to a new level of development, take into account not only your own, but also the interests of your loved one. Also fighting makes relationship stronger.

In terms of psychology, the absence of conflict situations doesn't mean that such relations are ideal. After all, most likely one of the partners is always entirely complaisant to his beloved, and at the same time suppresses his own desires. This indicates that there isn’t enough frankness and honesty between a man and a woman. Either the couple are so sundered that they don’t care. However, constant quarrels in relationships are also not a good sign. When there are frequent misunderstandings and disputes between partners, it’s necessary to understand why it’s happening and try to solve this problem. Otherwise, frequent fighting in relationships makes both sides suffer. And it isn’t uncommon to think of abandoning everything so that it finally ends. But it doesn’t make sense to change the boat if you can’t manage the oars. Let’s find out some reasons for frequent fighting in relationships.

High expectations

Often one of the partners in a love relationship thinks that later he will cope with the shortcomings of his beloved one. However, after unsuccessful attempts, it starts to strain both. Sometimes it's just enough to start accepting a person for what he is and stop changing him.

Fatigue

It begins when people spend a lot of time together. Then all interesting topics are reduced to a minimum, there is more silence, disagreement, irritation, etc. That's why psychologists advise to relax from each other at times.

Jealousy

To the jealous, everything seems suspicious: his partner comes back from work a long while, unfamiliar numbers ring him up, too revealing attire, etc. This can be eradicated by a frank talk with such person and excluding those moments that irritate him so much:

• stop talking to people of the opposite sex;
• call back together to unknown numbers;
• speak by phone on the way home if you delay, etc.

Stress

They can arise in connection with work disrepair, poor health, misunderstandings with parents, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. In such cases, there is often unreasonable criticism and more acute reaction to everything that is happening around. For living with such person, you just need to arm yourself with patience and begin to take action: give him more time for rest, send for treatment, or help with business.

The influence of third-party people

It happens that the people around you aren’t happy with your choice, so they try to "open your eyes" in every possible way. While you are protecting your loved one in front of them, you nevertheless unconsciously begin to pay attention to what they speak about. This leads to the emergence of irritation and frequent fighting. You can exclude it by prohibiting discussion of your partner, or minimizing communication with third-party people.

How to stop fighting in a relationship

Fighting in relationships is normal. It means that people aren’t indifferent to each other. And if your partner still stay with you, despite systematic abuse, then it speaks volume. There are 12 tips on how to stop fighting in relationships.

1. Lower sights and expectations. Most often, the reason for constant fighting in a relationship is that one of the partners requires too much, and the second – can’t give it. In this case, it’s worth recalling once again that ideal people don’t exist. So don’t try to remake a person as you like. It's a lot of egoists.

2. Don’t stir up the past. If you have already tried to do this, you probably noticed how you began to react sharply to the moments, somehow related to the past, although earlier you lived and didn't think about anything. So they say: ignorance is a blessing. Forget about what was before you and don’t be interested in it, and there will be no jealousy, no problems, no other "headaches". This person is already with you. What else is needed?

3. Don’t leave questions unresolved. It would seem that sometimes it's better to just end a quarrel, reducing it to "no" by silence or assent. Indeed, this can be done, and life becomes much calmer. However, it applies only to those cases when you won’t return to these situations.

If you would like to exclude such actions of your partner, then you should talk. But it needs to be done competently:

• tell about what made you nervous: "It was unpleasant for me when you ...";
• ask him not to do it again: "Don’t do it anymore, please, don’t make me nervous";
• offer an alternative (how a person should act not to cause you negative emotions).

Don’t forget the proverb "If you dance you must pay the fiddler." This means that you can’t always ask without giving something in return. It can be expressed in gratitude, pleasant words, care, tenderness and willingness to meet the requests of your partner.

4. Forget the words "You must". Nobody owes you anything. You are a man with hands, feet and brain. Even your own parents don’t owe you anything. Take it for granted. If a person helps you - good, no - okay, then you can do it by yourself. And don't forget about the elementary code of ethics - use the word "please" more often.

5. Watch what you say. The fact is that no matter how you deny that it was said out of spite, your significant other will remember all those offensive words for a long time. After this, there is often the coolness in relationshios, because we all want to be worshiped, not humiliated.

6. Talk about your feelings honestly. Usually after a quarrel it's difficult to start a conversation and all the occasions look ridiculous and untimely. But there is a way out. It is necessary to begin with honesty. Just go to your loved one and tell him what you feel after the quarrel, that it was a mistake and you are upset that your relationship has been subjected to such an unpleasant experience. And be sure to mention how difficult it was for you to come up to scratch this conciliatory conversation, but you really want to change the situation for the better.

7. Don’t be afraid to take the first step. If you really love each other and want to make up a quarrel - the first step should be made by someone who is calmer and ready for dialogue. And if this person is you - that's okay. The main thing is the result. Otherwise, by hiding behind the excessive pride, you can simply not wait for an apology from a person who has got tired to make for reconciliation after the conflict.

8. Speak in a whisper. This is an interesting and useful fighting relationship advice. The main problem of quarrels is that they represent a vicious circle. You raise the voice, than your partner, and as a result you both raise it even more ... and so on. As a result, both scream and no one hears each other. Try to behave with the exact opposite - speak more quietly. The partner shall have to strain ears, and he will unconsciously whisper too. Seriously swearing in this tone is quite difficult.

9. Maintain politeness. This point is very important, because typically that's where the shoe pinches. Look at yourself from the outside. How do you talk? Would you like someone to talk with you like that? It's not necessarily the case that the answers to these questions will satisfy you. Be able to admit to yourself, if the claims and directions are coming of you.

Start communicating with your beloved as you would like him to communicate with you. You will see how much your relationship change! And almost immediately, as soon as you start to get it. Most importantly - be more facile. None of us like when in the conversation there are complaints, reproaches and direct criticism.

10. Listen attentively to your partner. The ability not only to hear but also listen - a priceless quality that is necessary after a quarrel. Don't unload your partner, just listen attentively to what he tells you and only then ask clarifying questions. After that, tell about your needs with dignity and calm and explain why you reacted to a certain situation in such way.

11. Don't break up. The most stupid thing that can end a quarrel is break up. Never part with your loved one in consequence of a quarrel. There are break ups for good, and that’s not unusual. It happens that people just don't suit one another. Before you pack your things after another quarrel, think, is it really going to be good for you without this person? Is the cause of the quarrel so weighty? Is it worth your nerves? However, if it isn’t so and you understand that you need each other, don’t say things that can have irreversible consequences. To part with a partner you need only with a cool head, soberly weigh all pros and contras.

12. Find a compromise. It’s very important after a quarrel not just to smother it, but understand through its example how to solve similar situations in the future. Otherwise, you and your partner risk make up a quarrel only for a while. Of course compromise isn’t the worst option, but both of you need to climb down to each other in his case. It is better to come up with a solution in which everyone wins. In addition, after reconciliation, it is not so difficult.

Wrapping it up

The long-awaited deep feeling comes deservedly and naturally. Unspoken understanding and spiritual unity - this is the real love. Few people come to this stage. After all, you must first learn how to accept a person for what he is, gratuitously take care of him, and calmly accept his individuality. Love is above simple attraction or habit, just in love people unfold and harmoniously complement each other, their imperfections are carefully smoothed out, and accomplishments are reflected in each other. Hormones don’t boil this time. It’s a calm and joyful acceptance of the whole person.

Probably, some of you have met elderly people who enjoy each other's company. During the conversation, they are carried away, smiling, their faces emit quiet, wise happiness and peace. And it’s worth remembering that these people live in perfect harmony not from the first day of the meeting, they have grown their love, came to it through hatred and chill. Ability to listen to your loved one, apologize and forgive – is a guarantee of strong and reliable relations.

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