Where Does Resentment in a Relationship Come From and How to Fight It

Resentment in a relationship is not something that happens only to chosen people. Everyone can face this problem because there is no hiding from it. Resentment feels like an impenetrable wall between you and your partner. You think that your partner mistreats you, and he or she thinks the same about you. Consequently, you both remain announced or sometimes even outraged with this situation. It can destroy your relationship in no time because you don't feel connected anymore. Things become even worse if you are living in the same apartment or house. In this case, instead of feeling love and warmth, you will feel distant and cold.

Overcoming resentment in marriage or a relationship can be very hard. Thus, if you are only searching for a place where to meet women, you should learn how to act in advance to prevent this problem. Even the healthiest romantic relationships may be affected by this problem. The worst part is that partner may not even notice it until it is too late. In this case, the resentment is strong enough to completely destroy a relationship because partners simply won't want to pay any effort to fix this problem. At the same time, statistically, there are more cases in which partners effectively resolve this problem. So, if you are cautious enough and ready to work on your relationship, resentment won't be so much of a problem.

Definition of Resentment in Relationships

To begin with, let's find out what is resentment in a relationship. Resentment is when you feel underappreciated and believe that your partner takes advantage of you. What does it mean? In some cases, it means fighting for your partner's empathy. Thus, if you feel underappreciated or unrecognized, then rather sooner than later, you will have to deal with resentment. Most frequently, it begins with barely noticeable annoyance. At this point, partners can discuss this problem, but if nothing changes, this problem progresses. We begin to feel that our partners never listen to us. This snowballs all negative feelings in a relationship, and love becomes bitter.

Resentment usually accumulates for a very long time, but it only takes a few moments to destroy your relationship when the flood of negative emotions begins to spill on your relationship. Something should serve as a trigger to launch this negative process. Note, you may need to search for additional reasons to get married, because in the majority of cases, having a child serves as one. When a couple gives birth to a child, partners begin to compare how much work each of them puts in a relationship. This is when pointless arguments appear, and unresolved problems begin to damage a relationship.

On the other hand, there are many examples when love turns to resentment even without children. For example, sometimes, even a simple inability to express your feelings and emotions can serve as a trigger for resentment. When this happens, people begin to hate their partners even though they have no idea that something is wrong. Imagine how it feels when your partner begins to hate you for not knowing something that he or she has never told you. This situation is not only painful but also may lead to your anger. Consequently, resentment will become even stronger. Gratefully, no matter what served as a trigger for resentment in your relationship, you can always get past it. In this article, we are going to share with you some options you can choose from when fighting this problem.

Where Does the Resentment in a Relationship Come from?

To effectively fight this problem, you need to know what causes resentment in a relationship. As you already know, the biggest problem when it comes to preventing or even dealing with resentment is that in the majority of cases, when resentment builds in a relationship, partners have no idea that they have this problem. They may not even understand the real reasons why they feel angry with each other. Why they are not priorities, and why they both prefer to spend more time with other people. So, here we are going to share with you a list of sources of resentment in your relationships.

1. Inequality in a relationship

Equality is one of the most important aspects of a romantic relationship. No, we are not saying that everything should be equal, just make sure that your partner is satisfied. You see, very frequently, the lack of equality serves as a source of resentment in a relationship. Partners begin to ask who pays more effort, contributes more financially, or even who always initiates sex. It is obvious that this situation won't bring anything good in a relationship. Consequently, if you see that this matter bothers your partner, you should immediately do something about this problem. Thus, you will nip it in the bud.

2. No adaptation and adjustment

Today, it is obvious that we all are different. When people fall in love, this doesn't change the fact that they are still different people. Thus, to be happy together, they will have to adapt and adjust to each other. Otherwise, they will encounter problems. Yes, we are talking about resentment. If people are not even trying to adapt to each other, their relationships will never last long. For example, when one partner doesn't want to adapt to his or her partner, the second partner will feel offended that the first one is not ready to invest anything in a romantic relationship.

3. You never fully forgive anything

How often does anyone of you bring up arguments from the past during quarrels? How often you remind each other of your past mistakes? This happens because you and your partner don't know how to forgive each other. Forgiving your romantic partner for his or her mistakes and letting go of the negative past is essential for building a happy romantic relationship. Of course, on paper, everything looks fine, but forgiving is very hard. This explains why so many people tend to hold grudges and resent their partners for old mistakes. By bringing up old issues, you can only make each other angrier.

4. Unsolved problems

It's about the inability to forgive and bringing up old issues, and inefficiency when it comes to resolving your problems once and for all. Unresolved problems and issues can be a source of endless quarrels which lead to anger and resentment in marriage or romantic relationships. The more unsolved problems you have in your relationship, the harder it will be for both of you to deal with new ones. Problems tend to accumulate, and their weight may become unbearable with time. Never let your problems to reach a point of no return, when you and your partner find yourselves completely helpless.

5. Underappreciation

In a couple, both partners must work on their relationship. You may ever make equal contributions, but as we have said before, it is fine if you both feel satisfied. But how can you be satisfied if you and your partner never show each other your appreciation? By showing your appreciation, you encourage your partner to do more for you and your relationship. Unfortunately, the majority of people make this terrible mistake of taking their partners for granted. Because of this, they simply can't notice how many efforts their partners put in their relationships to make everything work smoothly.

What Is Accumulated Resentment and What Does It Lead To?

When we were defining resentment and talking about its sources, we, more than once, mentioned accumulated resentment. In fact, resentment in a romantic relationship is dangerous only when it is accumulated. Here is another definition of resentment: it is accumulated disappointment or anger that one person feels about something his or her partner has done or has failed to do. Therefore, if you are not constantly angry with your partner, and don't feel disappointed in him or her, resentment won't harm your relationship too much. Of course, this doesn't mean that you can relax and forget about this problem.

It is crucial to understand that accumulated resentment will never disappear by itself. Another dangerous aspect of it is that it accumulates very slowly, and partners may not even notice that something bad grows in their relationship until it is too late. In this case, the tension between partners raises until something triggers the full force of resentment between them. After that, their breakup becomes only a matter of time, because none of them can, or even wants to fix this issue and save a relationship.

First of all, a person who feels resentful can't trust his or her partner as much as he or she did before. Also, partners stop being so generous towards each other because they don't feel that generosity pays off. Slowly, their love disappears too. Because it is very hard to love someone whom you don't trust, and with whom you don't want to be close. Partners, who broke up due to resentment, never stay friends because they even start to hate spending time together. Resentment gradually kills joy, fun, closeness, intimacy, and even sex in relationships.

How to Deal with Resentment in a Relationship with a Partner

So, does it mean that if resentment has already infected your relationship, then you can only helplessly watch how your life is crumbling down? How to deal with resentment in a relationship? First of all, you must understand that resentment is an absolutely natural feeling. Thus, it will always be present even in the healthiest relationships. However, this doesn't mean that it affects healthy relationships in the same way. You see, everything will be just fine if you learn how to use resentment as an indicator of problems and will never allow it to accumulate in your relationship. Hence, let us share with you the best ways how to drop unhealthy resentment.

1. Be clear about your needs

Resentment appears when you or your partner are not able to cover each other needs. In the majority of cases, this happens because partners can't explain what they want. Just forget about all those hints, and instead of asking your partner why he or she never does romantic stuff for you, directly tell your partner that you want him or her to plan a romantic dinner for you.

2. Focus on positive aspects

Instead of focusing on your problems, try to pay more attention to wonderful things between you. This will help you change the dynamic of your relationship. However, never omit problems and serious conversations with your partner. Just not approach your problems as game-changers. Those are just routine things that aimed to help you enjoy your wonderful moments.

3. Live in the now

The next time you catch yourself thinking about those times when your partner wronged you, try to redirect your attention to some pleasant things in the current moment. This will be very helpful to learn to forgive and focus on your senses. With time, it will become a habit, and you won't be digging your past so often.

4. Never keep score

Your relationship is not a competition, and you can win only together. Thus, you both should once and for all forget about keeping score in your relationship. Just give your time, effort, and love to your partner, and don't expect anything in return. If you truly love each other, he or she will do the same for you.

5. Work on the communication

How can your partner possibly understand that you are starting a quarrel to make your relationship better if you have problems with communication? If partners in a romantic relationship can't freely discuss everything, with time, they will face problems that can't be discussed. Thus, make sure that your partner feels comfortable during your serious conversations.

6. Don't raise your voice

The worst mistake that partners do when they try to deal with problems such as resentment is raising their voices. Your partner can hear you just fine. So, there is no reason for you to raise your voice during your quarrels, unless you want to offend him or her.

7. Be patient

Resentment is not something that can be fixed in a day. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. Give your partner enough time to change, and don't forget to show him or her your love during the whole process. You are together in this, and only by working as a team, you can fix this problem.

When asking, "How to fix resentment in a marriage?" you must understand that it is not something unique that only you and your partner have faced in your relationship. At some point, everyone in their relationship faces something annoying, offensive, or even threatening. It is in our nature, but the more people face a certain problem, the better they become at fixing it. People quarrel not because they want to offend each other, but because they see problems and want to fix them. Quarrels become unhealthy only when one or both partners don't know how to have productive ones.

Without a single doubt, if you and your partner never directly express your feelings and needs, and never resolve your problems, then surely resentment will become a big problem for you. Consequently, you should make it a priority to establish healthy communication and to always get to the root of problems of your relationship. Also, never leave unresolved problems. If you manage all these steps, you will easily deal with resentment in your relationship. This is not rocket science, but you will have to be very attentive to your partner and never neglect an opportunity to please him or her even if they annoy you.