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How and When to Get Engaged: A Full Guide

One who has met their soulmate is the only one who can be envied. It doesn’t matter in 3 weeks or 7 years - once the question of the wedding looms on the horizon. If formal marriage is part of the life plans of both partners, then congrats. It remains to decide when exactly to play the wedding. When to get engaged with your partner? How to get engaged? How long should the relationship last before the wedding?

Today we will talk about some questions to ask before you get engaged, find out how soon is too soon to get engaged, figure out when should you get engaged, and give you all the answers to the question, “Am I ready to get engaged?” Let’s first talk about the average age to get engaged, how long to wait before getting engaged?

how long should you wait to get engaged

How Much to Wait Before the Engagement?

How long should you wait to get engaged? When do most people get engaged? Scientists exploring relationships, ask the same question, "For how long do you need to be friends before the wedding? For how long do you need to date to get married and not regret it?"

  • After 2 years of relationship or after 5?
  • What reasons are weighty enough to wait?

To be in a relationship means to plunge into the partner’s inner world, eventually asserting that you are made for each other. It is not clear who and when decides that the information is already enough to make the most important decision and reflect on getting married.

If you don’t have anyone to get engaged to, here’s a man and woman dating site that you should check out, maybe you will find a person that will eventually become your partner.

Age and total dating time affect the strength of the union

How long before getting engaged? The length of time for each other to be recognized is calculated differently in each couple. Lovers who meet at 21 are different from those who start dating at 31 and have completely different circumstances from a couple of 41-year-olds.

Some fall in love when they barely meet, while others talk or stay friends for years before they start dating. But the very fact of perceiving the future spouse as a close friend reduces the likelihood of a marriage breaking up by 50%.

Moreover, the subjective judgment that a person knows you does not depend on the actual time spent together as a couple.

The findings are clear. Instead of focusing only on the length of the pre-wedding period, it is useful to consider other factors of mutual readiness for married life. After all, it is one thing to meet once a week for a joint trip to the cinema, and it is another one to live under the same roof, sharing responsibilities and pleasures.

am I ready to get engagedSigns That You Are Ready for Engagement

Psychologists comment on it like this - they are not yet ready. But how to determine this willingness and what steps should be taken to get closer to marriage? With the help of our expert, we've found 8 questions, honestly answering which you can understand whether it’s time for you to marry or should you work on yourself a little more. Here are some questions to ask before getting engaged.

1. Have you ended your past relationships?

Not formally broke up with all the ex-partners, but really let them go and forgave them. If not, and resentment and disappointment of the past are still reaching for you, do not rush getting engaged. Otherwise, long-standing problems will stand in the way of a new feeling, and you will solve them already in other ways. And your future spouse should be responsible for the sins of ex-partners? New experiences allow you to distract yourself from the past, here are some road trip ideas for couple that should check out.

2. Are you ready to be yourself?

The one that you truly are and not the one that you try to show yourself on the first date. Family life is a long thing, and over the years, pretending to be happy becomes unbearably hard. Even ordinary coquetry only works when it is colored by your personality. And, deciding on marriage, make sure that your chosen one is familiar with you, and not with your image. Do they know everything about you, even the worst of things?

3. Do you have certain expectations about your future partner?

If you still repeat “only successful, generous, kind, and have blue eyes” to yourself, it is not surprising that they do not appear in your life. A person is not a set of technical characteristics, but a person who, at any moment, from successful can turn into mediocre, and then make the reverse transformation. They also have the right to be angry from time to time and refuse to pay for another whim of yours. And most importantly, they are not at all obliged to meet someone’s high expectations.

4. Have you severed ties with your parents?

It's not about stopping talking to your beloved family. It is only necessary to finally grow up and feel yourself an independent and separate person from them. Parental experience very often shapes our future, and the scenarios that are written in your nest can be very different. In the case of a woman, it can go in lots of different ways, from the repetition of the life path of her own single mother to the unwillingness to marry a man who looks like an imperious father. And the children who were the basis of marriage for a long time cannot find their own family because they still feel responsible for the union of their parents. Therefore, to find your happiness, you need to clearly realize that the experience of the older generation and their life path have nothing to do with you. Leave your parental home and start writing your own story.

5. Do you have other communication problems?

The fact is that in relation to people, we are generally the same everywhere. If you get bored very quickly at a new place of work, you cannot find a common language with colleagues and do not miss the opportunity to quarrel in public transport, then you will behave in the same way in family life. All our shortcomings will necessarily appear in marriage and will become a real test for them. Therefore, before you start experimenting in your personal life, find your main difficulties, and try to deal with them yourself.

6. Is there a place for a spouse in your life?

If you look at the life of modern people, then a romantic partner, it seems, simply has no place in it. We are busy all the time, they are in a hurry to do something that they find entertaining, they go to the mountains with their friends for the weekend, and they devote evenings to their education. Even in an ideal apartment, everything is arranged so that when a partner appears on their doorstep, they will have nowhere to put their hockey stick and laptop. Therefore, at least mentally realize what place a partner should occupy in your life and free up space for them.

7. Are you still listening to well-wishers?

“You can be happy only in marriage” “After 30, no one will ever need you” “Better to be divorced than never to get married.” All the young people (mostly women) who are embarrassed with marriage sooner or later hear such nonsense from imaginary well-wishers. And the more such advisers around are, the harder it is to understand: are you looking for a companion for yourself or are you trying to fulfill a social order? Check all imposed stereotypes! A marriage that was created for the sake of marriage itself is very difficult to make happy.

getting engaged8. Do you allow yourself not to be perfect?

Impeccable appearance, an enviable career, an expensive car, and your own housing? Fitness three times a week, relaxation at sea and intellectual clubs on Saturdays? You've tried so hard to make your life look like an advertising brochure, but you still can’t find the same perfect life partner. The fact is that people admire ideal from the outside, but they marry the usual owners of cute flaws, near which you can relax and not be afraid to look like a failure. Let yourself be a living person with your own set of positive and negative qualities.

How to Start an Engagement Conversation?

A marriage proposal can be one of the most exciting moments in life. It is quite natural that you are very worried about such a situation, trying to organize everything perfectly to the smallest detail. However, there is no universal ideal way to make an offer. Better focus on arranging this event so that it matches the personality of your partner. After that, practice your speech and calm your nerves to truly enjoy the moment!

Think about a partner during each planning step

Your proposal should be perfectly tailored to your partner. Instead of trying to copy or beat what other couples do, ask yourself the following question throughout the planning process, “Will they like it?” For example, if you know that a partner hates to be in the spotlight, in no case propose on the big screen at a sports event. On the other hand, if you know that a person will be delighted that 50.000 people will see them say, “Yes,” - feel free to choose this option!

Stick to traditions if your partner honors them

If traditions are important to them, make them a priority when planning your proposal. For example, perhaps you should first talk with the girl’s parents, buy a diamond ring, take your beloved to a trendy restaurant, stand on one knee and directly ask, “Will you marry me?” If you are not sure if your partner expects a traditional proposal, pay attention to how they react to proposals involving friends or even celebrities. You might even ask, “What do you think of this proposal?”

Engagement Proposal: How to Do It Right

Here are some tips on how to make an engagement proposal.

If necessary, find out information about your partner’s preferences regarding the ring

An engagement ring is an important part of the proposal for many couples. To do everything perfectly, you can begin to actively consider the rings with a partner. However, this can spoil the surprise, so you may need to act a little stealth. For example, watch which jewelry (especially rings) attract a partner’s attention when you walk past a jewelry store in a mall. Or note to yourself which of your friend’s engagement rings delights your partner. If possible, circle out the inner part of an existing partner’s ring on a piece of paper. If you bring the picture to the store, the jeweler will be able to choose the right size of the product.

If you want, get help in organizing and celebrating the event

If you want your proposal to be captured by professionals for all descendants, hire a photographer or cameraman to cover this event (alternatively, rely on a friend or family member with good camera control skills). However, most likely, it is better to do this only if you are sure that you will be answered “yes.”

If you can’t think of the right way to make a proposal, hire a wedding planner to help you plan the process. However, even in this case, make sure that the proposal is ideally tailored to the partner.

Evaluate how to discuss a shared future (and whether it is worth it at all)

Do not start planning your proposal until you both naturally imagine a shared future. If you both think about the future with the pronoun “we,” it may be a good time to make a proposal. However, if you are still talking about the future only with the pronouns “I” and “you,” perhaps you should wait and see how the relationship develops further. When you discuss important life issues regarding the future — buying a house, changing jobs, getting a pet, moving, and so on — do you treat them as joint solutions that will affect both of you? For example, if you are selling an old car, will it be commonplace to involve a partner in choosing a new one (even if the last word is yours)?

Do not rush to make a proposal until you are sure of the answer

It will be difficult for you to find a relationship specialist who recommends "taking a chance and hoping that she will agree." You will be less nervous and enjoy the moment more if you are sure that the partner agrees (and not because you are surprised or feel guilty). You probably shouldn't ask, “Listen, if I asked you to marry me, would you agree?” Therefore, you will have to soberly assess the status of the relationship to determine when the right time is coming. The marriage proposal should be felt like the natural culmination of one of the phases of the relationship, and also be the starting point for the transition to a new stage.

Make sure you are more excited by the question itself than by the sight

Clearly prioritize. Your main goal is to ask the person to become your spouse (or spouse), and not to create the coolest proposal in the world, right? If the thought of sight is more exciting to you than the thought of an actual proposal, you might need to consider whether you are really ready to take this important step. Think of it this way: every sentence that ends with agreement becomes a great story to tell. The most effective proposal, which ends with a rejection clearly will not be what you want to share (at least to you!).

when should you get engagedDo not take advantage of the public environment to put pressure on your partner

If you are not sure that you will agree by making a proposal in private, do not try to increase your chances by asking a question among a crowd of people. Perhaps a person will think that they have no choice but to agree, despite internal doubts. This is unlikely to become the basis for a successful engagement and a strong marriage (if you get to this). You can make a proposal in public if both of the following conditions are true: your partner will be delighted with this, and you are sure that they will give consent in a private setting.

Choose a location that is meaningful to the partner

For example, return to the place where you met or where you had your first date. Or take them to a romantic place that they wanted to see (perhaps the top of the Eiffel Tower?). Use your knowledge of a partner to choose a place that they like. Of course, not everyone prefers exotic places or trendy restaurants. If a person would prefer a proposal in the private atmosphere of their apartment, choose this option (this will still be a memorable moment for them!).

Use relaxation techniques to calm down before making a proposal

Take a few deep, slow breaths. This is a great way to calm your nerves at the last minute before asking an important question. Also, take some time before meeting with your partner to take other calming actions. Do everything that helps you, for example, meditate, pray or use visualization techniques; do yoga, do light physical exercises (for example, walk) or progressive muscle relaxation; write a diary about your experiences or talk with a close friend.

Feel the moment instead of worrying about every detail

Despite the fact that news feeds of social networks may indicate the opposite, the proposal should not be ideal and go without any hesitations or failures. Remember the ultimate goals: to express your love and desire to be with your partner all your life and get their consent!

Instead of worrying about the details of the process, look into the eyes of a partner. Sincerely express what is in your soul. Listen carefully to the answer. Soak up the whole moment. In the end, perhaps this is an experience that will happen to you only once in a lifetime.

Do not make a proposal while drunk. Engagement should be a moment that will be remembered for the rest of your life. Do not make a proposal if you are not 100% ready for marriage. If you rush things in a relationship, they will inevitably fall apart, and you will only hurt your partner.

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