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Dating in Your 30s As a Man: Tips and Problems

No matter how exciting the quest for love can be, after a while, it starts to get frustrating and exhausting, especially if the search is not too successful. And age has nothing to do with it. However, experts still say a lot about what dating after 30 is like and how it is much more difficult to find a partner in adulthood. But is 30 the turning point in the dating scene for men and women or just the start of a “big hunt”? We will try to find out why is building your personal life in such age intimidating and how to fight your doubts concerning it.

how to start dating in your 30s

Dating After 30: What Exactly Changes?

Relations expert and author of Sexy And Sparkling After 40, Sherry Nichols argues that looking for a soulmate even at the age of 30+ is very different from looking for him or her at 20+: desires and needs, priorities and our general self-perception changes. It is important to ignore emotional involvement and decide what you are looking for (and why you cannot find it) since it is very possible that your desires are simply unrealistic. According to the expert, there are two main questions that you need to ask yourself before starting the search for a new partner and relationship and proceeding to any hot women dating site:

How big is your emotional baggage? Very often, over time, we begin to fear the things that our bitter experience makes us look for in potential partners, so as not to get hurt again. This makes it very difficult to move forward. It is important to free yourself from the demons of the past to give someone a chance in the present and future. Because you will not be able even to find a woman online unless you let go of your past experiences.

Is your heart open to new love? When giving a chance to another person, you must be sure that neither your heart nor your thoughts are occupied by anyone else. Otherwise, you will be dishonest in relation to a person and will not allow your relationship to be clear, honest and naturally develop. So, first of all, be honest with yourself.

The journalist and TV presenter Daina Yankalne shared her opinion on this subject. Yankalne started a family in adulthood and, according to her, she was obsessed with the idea that she needed to find a partner. She tried to understand why she did not succeed as easily as others. But when she met one man, everything else happened so rapidly that all doubts disappeared, and she knew for sure that he was "the one." She fell in love with all her heart. We consider the case of Yankalne to be a real miracle because it is wonderful when people in their 30s and even 50s still find partners after a divorce and get married: "Yes, with age we become mature, more selfish, and I consider the ability to find the right person and fall in love a real magic because it is in that moment that we forget about our ego and completely dissolve one in another."

Relationship After 30 Issues to Consider

You are not that young and naïve, and it seems that dating now will be easier than ever. But, in fact, some peculiarities still exist, and you should pay attention to them if you plan to be back in the dating scene at 30.

dating after 30 is likeOften love in adulthood is more about the experience than feelings

The deep-rooted views of the world, experience, past grievances and fears associated with former partners, stereotypes and the idea of “how-to” with partners in a mature couple will have its results. Adults, even taking into account all their wisdom, are not too flexible. They usually have children from previous marriages. Not only small but also adult daughters and sons who sometimes are not ready to tolerate the fact that dad or mother has a new family. This can cause losing interest in dating at 30, and if you want to get back into the game at such age, you should be ready to work hard on proving your partner that you are worth their attention and sacrifice some of your own habits. Summing up, dating in your 30 with a kid can be hard, but matters still depend only on you.

Such relationships often collapse

Even dating after 30 should not necessarily lead to marriage, such unions still can fail when face challenges. Unfulfilled expectations and different understanding of your future are other reasons why people break up even if it seems that after 30 they have had their experiences, learned their lessons and know everything about how to build relationships. So, in this dilemma, they abandon the right to love. In such a situation, it is difficult to give advice. Since everyone has to make a choice. But more often than not, people who were able to keep love choose a relationship without marriage and a common home. This is sad, but even adult and self-sufficient couples are not always free to choose.

This is the age of mature love

Crossing the 30 years old line, people get closer to the so-called "philia" love - conscious approach to love and feelings built on the principles of respect and sober affection. It can sometimes result in a lack of passion. Like for people who have kept their families, it often happens that everything that connects them together is children, business or a simple habit. Sometimes relationships come to mutual dislike, and people drag on the long history of marriage for a long time, not daring to divorce. Only a small number of people after 10 or more years of marriage reach a new level of relationship when love can really be called mature between two psychologically complete people. Such love is not as crazy and burning as the love and passion of youth, but it is very deep and hot. Only a small percentage of lucky ones experience this kind of affection. If you dare to start dating in your 30s, you will be rewarded with a deep, stable and adequate relationship.

The value of past experience

As it often happiness in our time, most people come to adulthood, having already been married and divorced. Or, what is now becoming more common, not yet having the experience of marriage and parenthood. By this age, men and women have already had their losses, experienced pain. They are very careful in relationships, and often, afraid of getting hurt, fooled and abandoned. Caution and the desire to calculate a few steps in advance deprives spontaneity. The voice of reason drowns out sensuality, and then in adulthood, it is very difficult to fall in love as passionately as in youth.

Disappointment that causes lack of trust

Another reason why dating in your 30s is hard lies in the fact that mature people are in a state of frustration, that is, blocked sensuality. If someone manages to inspire confidence and melt feelings, then often this unrealized sensuality bursts out with an indomitable fountain and turns into an obsession. Having experienced another painful situation, the person closes inside themselves for a longer period until the next time they decide to open up to someone. It is very good if, at this age, people find the courage to love again. Then they have a chance to build really strong mature relationships because, considering the accumulated life experience, they have already had something to give each other.

Main Tips on How to Date After 30

After accumulating at least some life experience, people become less flexible, more vulnerable and stubborn. How to approach the person you like when you are both not that young and how to start dating in your 30s - read in to find out.

Abandon strict limits

This is wonderful when a person understands better what kind of partner they need with every new relationship. The requirements for the ideal candidate are specified, but sometimes these demands become too severe and concrete. And then you can get into a situation where a handsome stranger has not yet smiled at you, but you have already made your conclusions: inappropriate shoulder width, imperfect banking history, eyes not blue enough, the color of the t-shirt does not fit the socks. Not only that: the factors that we draw our attention to tend to increase. Remember: when someone sees you as beautiful, kind, caring, these are the qualities you want to develop to like them even more. The same pattern applies to the opposites party: for a relationship to be long-term and joyful, both partners and should be mutually admired. If you fell in love at least once in your life, you would agree that each person is a divine creature, unique and incomprehensible. And each of these features can be enjoyed with sincere pleasure instead of focusing on drawbacks.

Mismatch of needs

In youth, it is completely natural to seek a partner, fall in love, lose your head. This is the time when a person is looking for a suitable partner. Hormones rush in boiling blood.

In adulthood, the goals, it would seem, are completely different: to build a house, to bring up children and pass all your knowledge to them, to find time for your own interests, travel and have a shoulder to rely on in all that moments. But those can be your needs while your significant other can have a whole new understanding of your common future. This is the reason why you can be 30 years old and not interested in dating. Having been hurt once and having faced the mismatch of your expectations with those of the partner, many people abandon all attempts to find their love. So the tip for them would be to continue searching. Because there are still so many potential matches for you around and the only difference which arises when you reach the mature age is that people are a little more stubborn now and used to their own pace of life. To build relationships now, you just have to pay attention to those needs and plans that are close to yours.

Experience and baggage

Young people still have no serious experience, which means that they did not have time to get hurt in a relationship, it is easier for them to trust and open up, they still believe in a fairy tale. In adulthood, most likely, the heart is already scarred, broken, and then assembled in pieces. You’ll think about it ten times before approaching others. You do not just dive into another person, and before doing that, you will learn a whole complex system of their personality and weigh all for and against.

With experience, ease is lost, and the burden of the past stops you from the unknown. Our dating over 30 advice, in this case, is to realize that the past will never return, and nobody can change it. Instead of focusing on the cheating of your ex, what your mother thinks of your partner or how much the person differs from the ideal concept that you have imagined in your head. We are all people, we can get mistaken and then holding our head high, proceed in life and start over. To do this, you should pay attention to the positive sides of your partner, be open to the new and let go of your baggage of negativity.

30 year old not interested in datingDiscussion of expectations

What do you want from a relationship today? If at 20 you wanted children, a family, an apartment (all at once), today you may want something else. What? Why do you need a new relationship? Maybe dating the same sex in 30 for an experiment? Romance? Support? Travel together? Parenting? Or do you need a loved one who can tell you how good or bad you are? Do you want them to fit into the circle of your family and friends? Shared your hobbies? Or is it not important? What is important? Think about it. Then inhale and discuss this with your partner. Attention! Discussion of plans and expectations does not guarantee you 100% harmony, because everyone tends to change. Even if you both have come to the conclusion that you are dating only for enjoyable sex and travel, this does not mean that the other side does not play along with you in the hope that you will change and want more. Or maybe over time, you decide to attend culinary courses or adopt a turtle, moreover, your partner may get tired of hiking in the mountains every summer, etc. So, sometimes it’s worth revising your expectations to determine at what point you are in your relationship.

What about finances?

Money is a terribly indecent and delicate topic but very important. To begin with, decide: are you ready to talk about money in principle, or "talk about money kills true love"? Decide what the presence of money in a relationship means to you. And then think about the essentials. In adulthood, financial issues are perceived differently than in youth. You have already accumulated some funds, and you expect a material contribution from a partner. Which one? Who will pay for the main expenses? What income should your partner have? What if something happens to them? Will you have shared housing? If you buy an apartment, then who will inherit it later? Do you claim property acquired earlier? Are you ready to claim yours? You can’t discuss all these issues directly, and you should definitely not ask them on your first date. First, analyze all the monetary topics on your own and understand what worries you more, what less, and what can be neglected at all. Because why is dating so hard in your 30? It is connected a lot with the daily routine and pragmatics topics and less with the spontaneity.

Do not compare!

When comparisons of each other with the former begin, the uniqueness of the relationship that exists at the moment is violated. Now you are together, of course, it didn't happen before, and it will never repeat. In this relationship, there are only two of you, and the constant ghosts of the exes can destroy any feelings. Try to avoid summing up and generalizing the features of your partner and the person you were used to be. Learn the magic phrase, "This is a different relationship." Remind yourself that there is a different person next to you, you have a different family and, most importantly, you are now also completely different. Your beloved is not the simple list of characteristics you can conclude about them, even if you meet two persons with the same tastes, hobbies, and preferences, they can be completely opposite. There are no two identical people and that doesn't make any of them better or worse. If you continue comparing, you relive the past instead of enjoying the moment.

Is It the Right Time to Find a Permanent Partner?

You enter a relationship in middle age with high demands and various expectations. In twenty years, to start a relationship, in principle, the pretty face of a partner is quite enough. Now you are smarter and more demanding. You have already seen many of these pretty faces, and you know that not every personality that hides behind them is that pretty. Not each of them will provide you with common topics for conversation. And not each of them, you are generally ready to spend your time on.

But that's not bad, is it? This means that the relationships that you start with all this exactingness in adulthood will be much more valuable and meaningful than before. But in order for these relations to begin at all, you should understand yourself and realize well which of these requirements for a partner are really important for you, and which, in essence, are a whim that simply cuts off the people with whom you could be happy.

It often happens that it is at this stage each of us repeats the same mistakes, drawing into our life people who will not make us happy. And in the end, we convince ourselves that life is pain and love is an evil tale. Do not act like this. Everyone chooses whether to be happy or not so if you choose to find your love after 30, you can (and absolutely should) make this happen. It is important to realize that building love at a mature age is a crucial step for any person. But your age is just a figure, and nothing will work unless you do. Falling in love becomes more conscious and gradual as you become older and such development of events can result in stable and healthy relationships of two already formed people. The environment or life circumstances may make you think at the moment that meeting someone after 30 is really difficult. However, if you open your heart to the new, be ready to perceive the person with all their strong and weak sides, let go off your past experience, learning only the best from it, you will find your soulmate.

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